this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
