I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
