i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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