he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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