maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sobbing to NWA
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
