guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
