I look better un-naked...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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