i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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