i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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