He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
