meet me or not, i'm out of control
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
