were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
