So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
