If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
