I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
