you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
