Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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