so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
