im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
