So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
