Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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