so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
