guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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