I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
