life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
