Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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