I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
