garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
