where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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