Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
