New invention idea: vibrating tampons
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
