I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
