This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
