I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
