I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
