Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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