Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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