we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
soo... how was my night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
