I think I died a long time ago.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
