This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
