honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
