people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Come see our sink grown plant.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
