I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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