he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
