This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
