I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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