In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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