At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
