Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
