Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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