On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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