Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
