Im at strip club and am horny
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
